Every second I'm awake is a reminder that I'm not quite like anyone else.

And neither is she.

They say 'its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.'
I don't know.

Sometimes I think it would have been better to have never fallen in love. I have once, maybe twice. I was sure of it the first time... but then the second one happened. Now I have doubts about whether the first was real love at all.

Had the second never happened I wouldn't really know what love is and anything better than the first would hold the illusion. Then I could at least believe that I could find love again.

The things I really mean, the things I truly believe 100%, are the things I say when no one is around to hear them. In the dark, alone in my room.

I don't want to fall in love

I will always wonder if I really am, or if she really compares, or if she will ever come back around.

Too many ifs.

Breathe, just breathe. The best advice she ever gave me.