i'm finally going to acknowledge something about myself. something i've kept a secret for the past few years.

the thing i look for most in love is not traditional. it isn't companionship, its isn't trust, hell it isn't even sex. sure i ultimately desire those things once i have love, but they aren't what make me crave love.

the thing i crave is the sensuality.

sensuality.

secretly grabbing her hand at inappropriate times.
her nose brushing against mine while we're cuddled up on the couch.
the first few innocent, confused, horrified kisses.

all of it is so perfect. its why i have a hard time in relationships. i try to make that last forever. i know it cant be found the same way after a while, but i keep fighting to find ways to acquire that rush. and i always desire for her to want it as much as i do.

there has to be a girl like that somewhere.