If I could ask one band to reunite for just one show it would be Acceptance.

Thinking back on the night I saw them makes me realize that being in a band is what I would like to do most with my life. It was one of the greatest nights of my whole life, spent with two of my favorite people in the whole world.

If they would play one more show, I would buy flights for me and those two people to go see them again wherever it was happening. It would be so much fun. One of those adventures that the three of us used to have all the time.

Damn. I get so nostalgic.
That's why I will never feel like 'now' is as good as 'then'.

The clock runs like expired milk
We're pushing cars off of cliffs just for the thrill
Nothing will ever change
but it won't ever stay the same
The camera's rolling on time
but your acting is unconvincing to any of us
Nothing will ever change
but it won't ever stay the same

I found this and really liked it.

If you don't know the reference, its Peter Pan. Wendy gives Peter a thimble when he doesn't know what a kiss is. To return her kiss he gives her and acorn button.

I want a girl (the girl) to be cute with and give an acorn to. Hopefully she would get it and give me a thimble in return. This makes me want to get a Peter Pan inspired tattoo. Something about never wanting to grow up. hmmmm......

There was only one thing I wanted for Christmas. And only one person who could give it.
But I couldn't even ask that person for it.
And, of course, if she didn't know, there's no way I would get it.

I wish I could just send a letter with one request on it, once a year and Santa would see to it.

Maybe after all of this
you and I should just settle down.
Nothing I try is working out
and I'll make sure it won't for you the next time around.

I can't help thinking about how much better off
I would have been if I had never met you
and how much worse I'd be, all the same
forked roads and failed friends always get the best of me

share a thought or a cigarette
or everything we had, with someone else
you'll always be a part of me
you'll always be a part of me

you'll always be apart from me

shoot something into my veins
maybe a smile
maybe something deadly
I'm falling apart to make sense to me

make it big
or make it something the pious pray for
make it a miracle
or make it something they'll never cure
I'm dying to be famous
and you're killing to get my attention off you
keyboard brains and late night hearts can never get enough of this

take myself out to get you off my mind
maybe sunshine
there are hundreds with the same idea as me
all of us are just looking for attention

windows down
winter air never felt so lonely
despite the company of snow flakes
I wish they were cold drinks in our summer

on the day to day
i find myself finding myself feeling okay
but these unexpected confrontations
leave me feeling that the wounds still aren't healing
calculate the principles of normalcy
and find nothing will ever be the way its supposed to be
but on the day to day
i find myself finding myself feeling okay

I am an escapist.
But the fire escape is burning
and the chute won't open.
Find pleasure in dying to get away,
Living is more than being alive
or waiting to die.

Every inch produces more scrapes and bruises
Dragging myself to some place I can drag you down.
'cause we all know you love to get down.
I can't sleep without dreaming about getting out
or off this building with no integrity.
'cause we all know you love to get (me) down.

Count me in
if being in is everything I've imagined
I'm dying for a hit,
but I can't stop missing (you)
or missing out on something else
or waiting to die.

Its playing in the rain and never getting wet,
window shopping but never buying.
You never miss what you never had and now I've had it all.

Count me in,
or count the things that are better now.
Eaves dropping
...
and hearing nothing.
I'm waiting for something.

Wait, wait, wait or get out.
or wait it out,
a little of both never hurt anyone.
Wait, wait, wait,
a little disaster never hurt anyone.

This is a hard time of the year for me.
And this year is particularly hard for me because I'm not medicating myself with intoxication and unhealthy relationships anymore.

So here is a list of things I find help me get by:
writing music
producing visual art
writing here
discussing philosophy
playing video games
taking time to really appreciate the beauty of women I encounter almost daily
smoking hookah
making monthly resolutions
listening to good music
Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
and most recently, 808s and Heartbreak by Kanye West

I have notebooks full of words I've strung together.
Some of them hateful, some hopeful.
Truth is, I'm rarely either about what/who I'm writing about.

Please don't take what I write as who I am all the time. I generally fall somewhere between the two.I tend to write when I'm in one of those places because they are far more interesting than, 'life is okay, nothing is awful, nothing is worth getting my hopes up.'

Emotion is far more interesting than the mundane trivial details of my life, so I write them.

Struggles to be hopeful and to reconcile things that are down right shitty are things that everyone can understand. I am hopeful for life in general. It always works out. Even when the world is falling apart, there will always be a sunrise.

I am not ashamed of where I came from.

I am not disappointed by the past.

I am not going to be discouraged by any failure.



I am going to pick up the pieces.

I am planning on making the next few years something I can take pride in.

I am eventually going to win.



I will get through any heartache.

I will get her at some point.

I will be worthwhile.



Don't drag me down.
I've got myself for that.
I'd (I swear I will) do better to find that pink tuxedo.
The back seat is always open
with the rear view angled in your direction
for whenever you decide to get back in.